It is safe to be me. This is my new mantra. With all the growth I’m going through right now, one of the biggest hurdles is a fear of how others will react to the new (real) me. I know that if I’m really in that place of being authentic then it doesn’t matter, because I know that I’m okay. And I also still have an ego that gets scared and thinks that how others perceive me – and accept me – is the key to safety.
The area where this shows up the most for me is my beliefs about spirituality. I was raised in a middle of the road, protestant home. We went to church every Sunday and never talked about god or spirituality during the rest of the week. Going to church was more of a social activity than a spiritual one. It’s just what you did on Sunday morning.
Once I went away to college I never went to church any more. I can remember even as a younger child questioning the premise of Christianity: that you had to accept Jesus as your savior in order to go to heaven. I wondered about people around the world who had never heard of Jesus, so didn’t have a chance to choose to accept him as their savior. It didn’t seem fair that they wouldn’t get to go to heaven. It made no sense to my 8 or 9 year old mind.
When I was home for holidays we would go for Christmas or Easter, but I was just going through the motions. Eventually I began to feel hypocritical and it was difficult to participate in a service that I didn’t believe in.
Fast forward to today. Over the years I’ve honed my own belief system and it is primarily in line with New Thought. I worry about people thinking I’m too “woo-woo.” Or that I’m “religious.” For me, that’s an even worse label as I associate it with dogma and blind following, which is not me at all.
Add to all of this that over the past several months I’ve had a number of experience with psychics, mediums and am actively seeing an intuitive healer. I believe strongly in reincarnation and the ability of experiences in past lives to affect us in this life. I believe that I can know something without having been told it – except internally.
Now I start to worry that people will think I’m beyond woo-woo, and maybe one of those weird ladies who is going to begin dressing in flowing skirts and big jewelry and coloring my hair an outrageous shade of red. So what if I am one of “those?”
I don’t know the answer to “So what?” This is one of my struggles right now, and frankly one of the reasons I started this blog. I want to be who I really am. I want to be seen for who I really am. And I want to be proud of who I really am.
Don’t agree with me? Fine, we all have our own path. You take yours and I’ll take mine. Neither of us is better than the other.
Think I’m weird? Fine, you’re entitled to your opinion. Your opinion does not define me.
Hence the mantra: it is safe to be me.