A couple of years ago I was telling my therapist at the time about some book I was reading or an online program I was doing to improve my life. I don’t remember specifically what it was or how it was supposed to make my life better, just that I was excited about it. He responded by saying, “You never met a program you didn’t like.”
I was a little taken aback at first. Then I realized that what he was saying was that I didn’t trust my own instincts about how to move forward and become who I wanted to be; that I believed that others knew the answer to this better than I did. My therapist’s belief was that I already knew how to get where I wanted to be if I just tuned into my authenticity.
Intellectually I got what he was saying, but I still felt like I needed a roadmap laid out by an expert to reach any major destination in my life. It was comforting to me to know that if I did step A through Z I would arrive safely where I wanted to be. This is a very black and white way of thinking and doesn’t take into account that we all have our own path, and what resonates for one person may not resonate for another.
Using this program approach was sometimes helpful for me and got me to the destination I wanted. Other times I ended up feeling frustrated because the program just didn’t fit for me. In those cases I would end up blaming myself for not doing it “right” instead of acknowledging that this particular program was just not a good fit for me.
You can see that I valued the experience and opinions of others over my own. I did not yet trust that I am the one who knows me best, and that with guidance from my higher self I know how and when to act.
I think we all would like to know the magic formula that will transport us to being the person we want to be, or being in the relationship we dream of, or having the success we want for our lives. I’ve come to realize that the magic formula is not outside of me in a book or a teleseminar led by an expert. It’s already in me, and I’m the expert.
This is not to say that there is no value in the experience and expertise of others; there is. I still read books on personal growth topics that interest me. I recently did a teleseminar series on connecting with my soul mate that I found to be very enlightening. Learning new tips, tools and techniques keeps me from having to reinvent the wheel.
However, I have become much more discriminating about which of these I choose to take up. I often come back to what my therapist said to me that day and ask myself if I am just looking for the next new, great thing to save me.
I’ve also gotten pretty good at knowing quickly when something does not fit for me and just moving on. In the past if something wasn’t resonating I would have questioned myself because, after all, this was an expert telling me that this is the way it is. Now I know that I am the expert on me, and that if something doesn’t feel right for me then it isn’t. This doesn’t mean that the expert is wrong, just that what works for them does not work for me.
I find that the programs that resonate for me all have one thing in common: they are focused on how I co-create what I experience in the world. This idea resonates for me and connects with how I live my life, which really is about me getting clearer on who I am authentically and what I want to create in my life and in the world.
I can still sometimes get sucked into wanting someone else to tell me how to get where I want to go. When I see this happening I know that fear (ego) is in control and I’m not trusting in my authentic self and the Universe to guide me.
There is great freedom in being in this place of knowing what’s right for me, and trusting my own path.