Yesterday I had a session with my BodyTalk practitioner. She talks to my body silently and uses muscle testing to get answers. A few minutes into the session she asked me, “What would you like to give yourself permission for?”
Immediately I knew that I wanted to give myself permission to not know. I’ve recently (and off and on for the past 18 months) been in a place of not knowing where I’m going. It creates a lot of stress. I wanted to be okay with not knowing.
I also have realized through a situation with my teenage son several months ago, that my need to know is tied to control; the idea that I take responsibility for everything and have to fix that which is “broken.”
At that time my “not knowing” what was going on for my son was very stressful for me, and I realized it was because if I didn’t know what was happening I couldn’t fix it. And…I came to the understanding that it wasn’t my job to fix it. Whatever it may be.
“Needing to know” has been my way to keep myself safe. If I am ever vigilant about what’s going on around me, I can protect myself and those I love. But that is just an illusion. I cannot control what happens. At best I can mitigate circumstances.
Trying to control is another way that my lack of trust shows up. Lack of trust in myself, others and Spirit to be able to deal with whatever. And hypocrisy in that I say I believe that the world (and Spirit) is benevolent, and that everything will always be as it should be. But by trying to control I’m really saying I don’t believe that.
So as of yesterday, I give myself permission to not know.